I watch a lot of TV, and sadly this means I have to watch a lot of adverts. Unless it involves kittens, good dancing or a catchy jingle I enjoy singing along to, I can't stand them - mainly because they all seem to base their ideas on one theme: the audience is stupid.
But rather than get into an angry rant about evil advertising companies and the media, I thought I'd take a look at the world we would live in if everything in the adverts was true...
1. Only young, attractive women eat yoghurts.
2. Yoghurts are also borderline orgasmic.
3. Women skip around a lot when they are on their period.
4. On that same theme, Mother Nature is an irritating woman with a bad accent who pops up when you least want her to.
5. Injury claim companies are run by creepy looking gangsters. Wait, that one might be true...
6. Babies are always being cute and giggly.
7. Breastfeeding is a really calming, enjoyable experience.
8. Cereal can dance.
9. Wearing perfume or aftershave makes you irresistible to the opposite sex, even if it smells disgusting.
10. Peter Andre shops at Iceland. Ha!
Got any more? Give me something to read in the ad break...